Letting Go- A conversation between the Mind and the Soul.

Photo by Josh Hild on Pexels.com


“You look dead to me!”, Said the Mind.

The Soul, was used to receiving such sarcastic derogatory commentaries,  from its supposed partner in life- Mind.

Mind sat on its high chair of Logic, crossed its sharp directional legs, and said   “Abandonment of an idea does not mean total loss.”

“I never said that giving up would mean a loss.” Replied the Soul slowly.

“Yes,yes.. you did not say so. Yet, over the years, I have learnt how you might feel and perceive situations that sadden you.”

Soul stayed quiet.

“Then maybe loss is not the word. Forgive me.” Said the Mind as it looked around the room.
Logic the chair stood on peach pink floors of Empathy. Mind looked down at the floor, frowned and said “If only I had the power to shift the chair to another part of the room.”

The floor of the room was divided into two sections, one half covered with pink tiles of Empathy and other half covered with orange tiles of Boundaries.


Mind looked at soul, “Disappointment… That is what it is, not loss”.
“You are feeling disappointed Soul. What you need to see is that, it is okay. It is okay that what you desired did not happen despite all your good intentions and my efforts.” Said the Mind, kindly.

Soul quivered and shivered. Its glassy eyes, filled with water memories…looked sad.

Mind got down from the high chair of Logic and stood near a picture of Nostalgia, which hung inside the room that they were in – room of Contemplation.

“Do you remember our trip to floor tile store , how we fought that day..!“, Mind fondly smiled.” I wanted orange tiles and you wanted these pink, Empathy ones. We finally decided to use both of those. As Mind was still looking at the picture, Soul started to slowly drag the chair of logic across the room over the part where floor tiles were orange , made of Boundaries.

Mind saw this and quickly went to Soul’s aid. They both placed the Logic chair onto the floor of Boundaries and then looked into each other’s eyes.

“Are you ready?” Asked, the Mind.
Soul gave a firm nod and sat on the high seat of Logic upon the tiles of Boundaries.

Soul then took out its beautiful tiny purses , beautifully embroidered with such intricacy…each weighing in tons of uncertainty.

“Purses of Expectations?”

Soul gently nodded as it handed them over to Mind. Mind took them and cast them, one by one, into fireplace of “Let Go” beside him.

Flames burned bright blue, black, then grey …

Then as the fire grew to become gentle white, Soul looked at Mind and mouthed,”Thank you.”

Mind smiled and said,

“Feeble you look , Feeble you are my soul..
But each of these battles has made you much stronger
Than the world will ever know.” 

Advertisement

The Lamp Post – Part 2

The Lamp Post is going to be a long story which I am going to post in small parts. Hope you like it and feel free to give me your feedback in the comment section.

The sun screeched its rays across the city . The bus stand was like a field growing people out of nowhere just like the weeds do on a clean ground.

A lady in her mid sixties kept looking at me .

Please . Don’t . Talk. To.Me. My soul begged

“Too hot isn’t it “she said. “Still a beautiful day”

A fake smile and a nod was all I could give.

“It’s just 8 am and look , its almost like the mid of the day .” The lady took the end of her red cotton saree and started fanning herself. “Now-a-days skin cancer is on rise too they say.”

How ? How do simple things such as this lady’s kind commentaries of the day manage to annoy me so much.

“You should eat a lot of fruits ” She continued ” But I don’t think you even eat . But who does that anyway these days? ”

People say I have very low level of tolerance , I could see right now why they were right.

The lady grabbed my wrist suddenly . ” You are too thin for a boy  Where you born as a premature baby ?” she asked excitedly as if she had just succeeded in  finally diagnosing me , the thin me.

I could feel myself controlling  my words so hard least I say something that I’l regret later.

“I see you are wearing a tie . Where do you work son ?”

Son … If it hadn’t been for that word..  “ At the Techlink company” I replied

“IT company huh ? I heard they don’t do well these days , is it true ?” she asked waiting to hear satisfactory response.

I looked past her and I could see my bus slowly making its way towards the stop.

“Depends “ I said “on various factors such as the bug , you see if the bug latches onto you , it sucks the blood out of your veins and spits it all over the company and thus making your so called company perform poorly.”

The bus stopped in front of me.

“I quickly stomped my foot in front of her , oops! Auntiji that was a bug ” She jumped back and  looked at me alarmingly .

I climbed into the bus and looked at her through the window and mouthed “they are everywhere” I smiled .

The dazzled lady watched me take the window seat as the bus passed by her.

People love to be social , I do get that . But they should know that there are people like me who hate it when someone talks all chirpy on a screeching hot Monday morning, pretending as if the world functioned exactly the way they wanted to. Worse still is that negative shade of talk which they slip in their conversation just a bitter medicine hidden in a spoonful of Biryani. IT companies don’t do well , pfft! Why don’t they even have the basic courtesy to be empathetic and them asking or saying such things really doesn’t help my Monday blues!

After a 20 min ride I finally reached my destination, one road to be crossed and .. Oh my God!

I have to reach my office early today , it’s Bulldog’s meeting , he is gonna kill me!!

Bulldog who you say ? My boss Subash is one ! He barks at me like one for no reason , but looks like today I’m gonna give him a reason to do so . Run Ved!

(That’s me by the way Vedant ,the narrator of this seemingly endless story. Will tell you more about myself later.Sorry , gotta run now. )

“Excuse me !” I yelled as I pushed past a couple of ladies who gave me a disgusted look.”Not on purpose ! Im sorry ” I yelled again

Baam !! I fell flat on the zebra crossing.

“Careful” said the voice of a girl.From the ground view I could only see her huge Totoro key chain hanging from her bag. She helped me get up before I could say something she was gone.

9:00 pm leaving office

The bus ride’s probably the most peaceful part of the day .As I was walking towards the bus stop, I noticed the climate slowly cool down. It’s probably gonna rain . Great! My bus is late ! If it rains then Pandora will be sick. Sorry , let me introduce you to my baby , my Hp laptop a.ka Princess Pandora, basically the only friend in my life.

As I was waiting for my bus I looked across the bus stand , I could see the lamp post . It had this beautiful french design to it and was specially set up it its place by the Mr.Shaveer ,the owner of an antique shop right beside the lamp post. Shaveer had also placed a bench right beside the post for passerby’s to sit. Shop usually closes by 10 p.m but for some reason , it been closed for almost a week now. But the lamp post continues to be alight every night.

It was almost 9:45 and my feet were starting to hurt and that’s when I saw this girl standing beside the lamp post . Where did she come from? I wondered the street was mostly empty and I had been staring at the lamp post for the past 4o minutes. Maybe she came during those magical three minutes I decided to close my eyes.  The bus finally arrived and I gladly hoped on to it .As I took my seat , I tried looking at her across the street she wasn’t there anymore. Was I imagining things ?

Maybe I was.

purple_lamp_post_by_b1nd1

Picture credits : http://b1nd1.deviantart.com/art/Purple-Lamp-post-31684949

The Lamp Post – Part 1

Photo by Anthony on Pexels.com

The Lamp Post is going to be a long story which I am going to post in small parts. Hope you like it and feel free to give me your feedback in the comment section.

The day was closing in. The dried leaves that blew across the sidewalk were funnily green .. and fresh. And there she was sitting like a tramp , cross legged on the bench .She looked straight into the orange hued sky and then with sudden raise of one of her brows ; she turned and looked at me. Clarity was consistently being brewed in her brown eyes whilst doubt was waiting to be evaporated out of little pink mouth along with each and every word she spoke.

“It’s  getting dark “ she said

“yes ,it is “ I said and seated myself beside her

“Do you believe in bad luck” she asked , tucking some of her dark messy hair behind her left ear .

Not a good question, I thought.”Yes I do “I said.

“You answered straight away ”she said surprisingly.

“Why yes! What is there to muse about?  Things get worse .Most of it.. well , hell !  all of it including your so called “life lived” goes down like a sinking ship and you know what ? There is absolute nothing you can do about it !

Why ?

Cause it’s just not your luck.

Why?

Cause it’s just not your day.

Why? Cause that’s how it is supposed to be. Everything… every darned thing of everything makes sure that you would .. and oh yes ! make absolutely sure that you do not change your decision to detest this life  as long as you live !

The little girl looked at me understandingly .

She looked at me and said “It’s getting dark”

The 7:00 am alarm blared the usual  noisy tone which I had so selectively given the right to annoy me  .I lay on my bed , one foot dangling from the bed ; thinking about the little girl. “She is right” I said to myself “It is getting dark … “

 

Indecisive orange (A short love story )

He stands there resisting his urge to rush forward towards her, hold her…hold her face in his hands. He stands there with his lean frame against the sky , sprayed with shades of  indecisive orange  .The lake quietly let the ripples dance on its bosom lest they turn into waves and brutally slash the silence which was essential for a wailing heart to be heard

 

‘I can’t ‘ He whispers

 

I can’t ! He shouts

 

“When I saw you for the first time, I felt numb and oddly enough I have felt this same sort of numbness before .

 

He walks towards her, his eyes still firmly fixed at her .Dhruv stops walking as he starts speaking again.

 

“At the park you asked me what it felt like to have given something to someone and then want the same thing back very badly from the same person. It feels like something cold and sharp is cutting me from the inside and I feel like screaming aloud   .There have been times when I actually have. Oh yes I have! But only when I am alone because that’s when it’s the worst. It’s the worst because I can’t see you. When I see you … it doesn’t matter what you are doing or whom you are with. But for me… for this … this stupid soul of mine ; that is enough .

 

Crazy right? I mean just seeing you . I guess I kinda knew it all along that was all that I could ever have was just the sight of you . Nothing more and anything less than that I swear Aashi , I have no idea what will become of me.

 

I know you never wanted me to  say this ever because I would be just making things harder for you. But Aashi … “

 

Dhruv takes a step back and says “ The day I had found you, I lost myself .I have fallen for you Aashi . “

 

Aashi looks into his black eyes which gleamed with excitement at having unveiled something so obvious.

 

“Do you know how much I love you ” she asks as she slightly tilted her head to the left. A habit , which was one of the many things that Dhruv took note of and ferociously admired.

 

“Do you?” she asked again

 

“I do . But you should know falling in love is the most inevitable thing.. ”

 

“It is evitable!” Aashi mindlessly shouts pushing her hair back with both her hands  “It’s all in your mind , it’s your decision to let you heart go all loose so that it can be an idiot , roam here and there and settle down on some random person and claim that its owner is now in love with this random person ”

 

“Its okay”Dhruv replies calmly.

 

“It’s not!. Now this is what will happen. You are gonna be heartbroken and hurt all over and I am responsible for it..”

 

“No , you are not…”Dhruv replies

 

“And then” Aashi continues as if Dhruv did not reply “You are never ever gonna see me as a friend and you are gonna leave me and go far away “Aashi starts choking “And… and” Tears start leaving her Kohl lined waterline “You are gonna leave . You are leaving !! This is what it’s all about, right?! I am the damn reason !”

 

Dhruv comes closer “Look at me ”

 

Aashi with a girlish conduct looks the other way.

 

“Look at me Aashi” He says in stern tone .

Aashi looks at him with eyes all wet, making an effort to look through her tear laden lashes.

“I have loved you and will always do and nothing will change that. But in addition to that I have fallen in love with you and I can’t change that. May be this will change, maybe I’ll fall out of love .But again it’s a maybe. Maybe. Whatever it is, I’ll always be there for you like I always have.”

 

The phone rings and its cue for Dhruv to leave soon. He sees the caller and disconnects it.”You are right it hurts and I won’t deny it because I am a human. And it’s okay to hurt, it’s definitely not the end of the world .. I’ll figure something out as time goes by. I’ll be fine, trust me.” He says with a smile.

 

Aashi smiles back and looks into the sky which has lost most of orangish hue preparing for the onset of a cool contemplative night.

 

“You should leave.”

 

They hug for the last cloaked with a “maybe” time and part with the moon now slowly riding up the sky , shining its light into the cool contemplative night.

Picture source : http://www.dailypainters.com/Moon Over Sunset, Miniature Abstract Art, Original Landscape Oil Painting
painting by artist Marina Petro

 

 

Assumption

There was something. Something that turned into insanity.

Beautiful enough to make you hungry, some of these random feelings don’t have a name.

It was more than that… or as they say; more than that where it came from.

Action and assumption always contradict each other and doubt decides to dance in between. Assumption, the ambassador of impossibility always does a good job only if I let it to.

Protestation in front of its office had annoyed it.  Assumption walked right up to my face and banged on the dusty past-ic table, the fact files it had drawn out from my brain base. It raised its brows, with every skeptic hair on it directing me out of the office.

I looked and fell and abandoned.

Abandoned assumption. Assumption couldn’t bear it. It died.

And there stood its ghost in front of me.

“What are you?” I asked

“I am nothing” the Ghost said

“That is not possible! You are… Well you are a… “

“I am nothing”

It smiled. It looked beautiful. But it started to fade… its existence threatened.

Was I moved?

Yes !

Right or wrong Assumption had directed half of my life. I felt sorry for it.

I lent the only thing I possessed in abundance to it, insanity.

And it became something.

There was something .Something that turned into insanity. Insanity that turned assumption into something.

And thus the ghost of insane assumption hangs around me, haunting me with maddening ideas … Forcing me, to put them into action.

Sigh…

The Pen And The Paper

The pen hovered over the paper.

His lips were wet , ready to leave a mark.

The paper lay there , blank , not knowing what to expect .

The pen couldn’t hold back any longer and rushed towards the paper.

The pen and paper kissed.

They saw that their act of love had been visible through an impression, which the paper bore.

The impression , they decided , was less than perfect unlike their love.

And so the pen and the paper kissed again and again striving to achieve perfection .

But the perfection , which their love, for each other had attained , had other things in mind.Perfection had given itself freely to love .Love of all sorts and forms.Love with all kinds of flaws.

Because it is love wherein the flaws give rise to the determination to achieve eternity .

And perfection loved to last forever.

The pen and the paper had seen that their love could be visible as it left a mark , an impression. They wanted the world to see that their mark which represented their love , was a perfect one.

And that was a flaw and perfection could not accept it.

So the mark of love never achieved perfection… as perfection was never meant for the worldly eyes.

And so the pen and the paper kissed again and again , striving to achieve perfection .

But alas… the perfection was never achieved.

Fountain pen

Mirrored the selfless love up !

When the person with whom you are in love with gets hurt or is in pain then we show so much of concern…

If you look at it…its like you are being so selfless in your love for that person .You even ignore your own needs just to take care of that person’s needs. If any person outside the circle sees this , .. this crazy burning love then he would see it only as  pure passionate ,unconditional love.

But what if its the other way around ??

We do all that  actions of care and concern for ourselves … we do that because we are so self centered that we want us , to be connected to that person in every possible opportunity presented to us .

We use the pain of our loved one to satisfy our need to be with that person ; to actually establish any sort of contact with that person , even if its merely through the touches of our thought or the slightest sweep of our involuntary emotions . What if love is selfish ?

 Generally love is portrayed as so much selfless and so unattached.

 What if its not.. ?
Nothing can be called completely unattached unless you completely lose the memory of its existence in the first place.

What if every theory in this world ; every truth that we know had an opposing … a mirrored version of it?

 Maybe the version which we know or every supposed truth that  we know is bearable.
And maybe the reason we never look beyond it is because this is what we as human have chosen , we have limited ourselves to draw the very outlines of human misery, happiness and other occurrences of acts of life.
And the real instance of every truth is so .. i dunno, it sorta changes the very definition of us being human….